This may be the most serious issue we need to address
April 08, 2007
Author: Anonymous
Note: This message was purposely made short, considering it may be less likely to have been read if lengthy. Long-term goals would include marketing this leaflet in video and email form in numerous languages. This leaflet is written by a man, imperfect, unlike the Holy Koran. It focuses on issues which I see are relevant to the Muslim world, and therefore may be biased. It should be revised from time-to-time with best intent. We ask Allah (SWT) to help us, guide us all.
Bism'Illah-ir-Rahman-ir-Raheem...
Assalamu-Alaikum (Peace Be Unto You)
This leaflet’s objective is to:
-Prompt Muslims to gravely contemplate their fate and what’s happening around them
-Unite a large number of Muslims towards one direction, putting aside our differences
-Encourage Muslims to spread proper knowledge of Islam within our communities and to non-Muslims, promoting world peace and prosperity, essentially restoring an influence of Islam in today’s world, God-Willing
ISSUES TO ADDRESS:
The Psychology of Muslims:
We must acknowledge and make aware to Muslims that we have a problem in order to seek a cure. This problem may worsen if we take no action. We are Muslims (Sunni), similar, yet we fight each other only weakening ourselves. Our purpose in life is to Worship our Creator. Let us reflect, on what is happening in the world and put aside seeking pleasures. Worship should entail a spiritual aspect as well as a socializing aspect. It includes, but it not limited to, understanding the Koran, and acting to have an impact on local and global communities. We must fear our Creator, remember the hereafter, and pray to Allah (SWT) protect and help us in this uphill battle.
We must be people of value; if we make no effort to act, a great tragedy may be inflicted upon us.
“O you who have believed, obey Allah and obey the Messenger and let not your works end in futility” (47:33)
Criticism:
It is not uncommon amongst Muslims to find the habit of criticising others. If we are not criticising Israel and America, we are criticising others in our community, yet we do not lift a finger. We blame the politicians or Imams, yet we do not lift a finger. The system can only be changed from the inside.
Balance:
Extremism is defined as something that is abnormal. We will define two types of Muslim extremists. One is secular, which is the type that wants the influence of Islam completely separate from the state and people. The other is a radical, prudent, perhaps to serve a political agenda or interpret Islam as s/he will. Both are ignorant and arrogant. Both are dangerous. But, both must empathise with the majority for righteousness and realize their tactics are ineffective. Never should Muslims force their views on others, such as the Turks for banning the head scarf in government buildings or radicals by violent acts.
Education:
Education is a universal key, without it are locked doors. Seeking education should never end after we complete a certificate from an institution. The process of learning should be an essential motivation amongst Muslims. We must excel in a diversity of fields such as Law, Commerce, History, and Political Science. We should never limit ourselves to certain fields. This is a great danger in that, because Muslims will then lack knowledge in areas which may in excel us. We must not be ignorant or arrogant.
Communication:
Wars sometimes occur because of misunderstandings or miscommunication. We must be proficient in our language(s), specifically public speaking and writing. Writing will enable us to publicly communicate our message to newspapers, journals, and will enable Muslims to gain recognition. Public speaking will accelerate us, and is essential to get the proper message of Islam in the media. We must be able to speak efficiently and enunciate clearly. If we lack communication skills, nobody will hear or listen to us. These skills are so important that I cannot even begin to stress. Muslims take their current speaking and writing skills for take granted, yet it is not enough. Perhaps even more important than speaking is listening. Only with listening will we be able to understand one another, and learn. Three rules to establish good communication are to listen, speak the truth at all times, and never assume. Making an assumption based on rumours instead of facts is like waging a war for no reason. If you have to assume, assume the best amongst your own. Muslims tend to be imbalanced. They are often too sceptical of one another, and hardly give each other the benefit of the doubt. This pamphlet is a type of communication, and may be perceived as negative if not interpreted correctly. I assure you, I have only the best intention. Understand that almost everything is subject to interpretation, even the way we see the world, which may not be correct. Our communication must be as clear as possible, only then will begin to truly understand.
Cause and Effect:
Are suicide bombings effective or productive? Can our energy be directed in other means? How many Muslims suffer as a result of our own attacks? Is there a gain or loss? One theory suggests that Muslims face an escalation of commitment. An escalation of commitment is the tendency to continue on a path which is posing a losing proposition, which may be influenced by effort already invested. We must stop making foolish decisions which result in only losses. Are we being efficient and productive? Do not be arrogant, we must constantly be critical of ourselves and ask ourselves questions. Who, what, where, why, when and how? A simple question may salvage us from a heavy mistake. We cannot afford to make more.
Ethics and Morals:
Three merchants provide their customers with a fair price for three different reasons: The first, because it’s better for business, the second, because it makes himself feel better, and the third, because he believes he has to follow a moral law. The third man is the best because his premise for doing an action is: following a moral law. While the others follow different premises by which then there is no excuse to practice evil deeds based on those premise(s). The third man is less likely to go astray because he always confirms with a moral law. In our case, our moral law is Islam. Help the less fortunate. Study Islam. Islam may be represented by the Koran and Hadiths, but bear in mind, our actions represent Islam as well. Even smiling and holding the door open for somebody is charity. We must take responsibility for our ethics, morals, and actions, for we will be questioned on the day of judgement.
The solution:
Conquer a problem from all sides. Remember to put all your options on the table before choosing the best. Think outside the box, and don’t be afraid to seek other methods. We must not criticize each other out of ego, but must constructively criticise each other for the better. Let us hold meetings, and not be afraid to address political issues, this is our duty. Some say the solution is to focus on your family and yourself first, others say to be proactive in society. While both argue their opinion, they are only bickering for no good. Truthfully, they are both right, and who is to say that taking care of you family and being proactive in society cannot be done at the same time? We do not Worship our Creator only by sitting in mosques, but we Worship also by being active outside the mosque. A problem in the Muslim community is that we tend to only consider options A or B, but never consider options A and B. There will always be differences amongst us, but we must put them aside, and aim for one and even many goals. 10 Muslims attacking a problem with 10 different methods is more efficient than 10 Muslims attacking one problem with 1 method, out of ignorance and arrogance.
'Whoever of you sees something wrong should change it with his hand; if he cannot, then with his tongue; if he cannot, then with his heart, and that is the weakest form of belief.'" [Muslim]
Even though this isn’t a specific solution to the problems Muslims face today, Inshalla it will provoke the thought of many. Remember we must be tolerant, and patient. There is not one universal equation to solve all our problems. The only thing perfect is the Koran. We are not, and we must be careful of our actions, how they are perceived, their intent, and impact. We must have faith, be balanced, and target this problem from all angles. If not, I fear a horrific infliction upon us.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Monday, August 6, 2007
Dawat / Dawaat Uncles - (funny, humour, humor, jokes)
Daavit Uncles: A Quantitative Analysis
By (The Coconut Fob)
Calgary, AB
February 15, 2007
Introduction:
I’m probably one of the only guys I know my age who actually enjoys going to a thing called “Daavits” (gathering amongst elderly men and women known as Unties and Uncles). Come on, the food is mouth watering and not to mention free. But, somewhere you have to make a sacrifice, which in this case is, sitting in a room with a bunch of Men in their 40’s-60’s, called Uncles. They may be equivalent to an intimidating street gang of 5-10, and their sons don’t bother coming. I guess tonight was counter-strike night. Even if you’re not East-Indian, you know what I’m talking about. It’s scary, because sitting with a bunch of Uncles means listening to theories on 9-11, infinite complaints that are answered with more complaints, and proofs to why President Bush is actually a robot designed in 19th century East Africa. But it isn’t all that bad, you can learn a lot from them, like you can from Grandpa. And be prepared to laugh at some corny jokes, you’ll eventually get them.
For the newbies, I’ve decided to outline the various types of Uncles, so that you won’t be intimidated. Cause let me tell you, if an Uncle asks you “so what are you studying Baita (son)? Your answer better involve two PhD’s or a law degree; and you’d better be completing all that in 3 years or less…
_______________________________________
The "Curious George" Uncle:
Be prepared to indulge in the interview of your life. Uncle wants to know everything. A wrong answer from you will result in a slow and painful execution involving you in a shipped suitcase to Antarctica, and ending with penguins nibbling at your remains. He’ll be soft spoken initially, but once you begin answering, it’ll feel similar to an interrogation for affiliating with the KGB, or in our case, Al-Qaeda in Guantanamo. Example:
“So how are you Baita? How is you’re parhay (studies) going?”
“Oh great, actually I just finished an internship with this accounting--”
(Cuts you off)
“Shabash, good, good, and your current GPA is?”
“Ugh…huh? Oh, well, it’s ugh approximately two point—“
At this point, run for it, because you’ve just committed suicide. Any GPA below a 5.9 is unacceptable. Perhaps you thought the maximum GPA you can have is 4.0? Not according to Uncle Jee. See if you can have the grading system at school changed, so that it’s compatible with Uncle’s standards. After doing so, send your transcript to the Uncle as proof from an undisclosed location via fax or satellite phone, your life depends on it. .
Also, try not discussing anything other than your career and school, because that’s all you’re worth. Other talk may result in more torturous execution methods, such as being strapped to a hospital bed to watch an entire season of “Friends.” Joey, Chandler, and Ross wish you all the best.
The “Wishes He Was Younger” Uncle:
This uncle seems to be suffering from a midlife crisis. He just doesn’t want to accept the fact that he’s getting balder. He tries to do that “Will Smith-Jazzy Jeff” thing he saw on Fresh Prince when you go to shake his hand.
What? Did he just ask if I got the new 2pac CD?
“Baita, where can I get tickets to a Biggie concert (*cough, cough*)? For my son?”
“Ugh, Uncle, Biggie’s been dead since 1997.”
The expression on his face looks like he lost a relative.
“Inna lillahi wa inna…”
Typically Uncles come dressed in throbe’s, dress pants, or shalwar. Not this uncle.
“Uncle, is that your son Faheem’s shirt you’re wearing?”
Does he even know what the number 69 means…?
“You know I was number 69 back in engineering college…best bowler, three years in a row (cricket)…”
I’m thinking, wow, they have bowling in Pakistan? Should I ask Uncle if he wants to go knock some pins down this weekend?
The “Corny / Assimilating-Into-Western-Society” Uncle:
It takes me a minute or so to comprehend his humor. It isn’t easy to translate a joke from Punjabi/Arabic to English, but Uncle makes the attempt.
“Did you hear about the Mouse at the Lion’s wedding?”
“Ugh No.
“Acha (okay), once a mouse, I mean Lion yaar, ka shadi, wedding, and……AHAHHAAHAA”
Uncle never does finish, he just gives in with a high-pitched laugh before the punch line.
Oh no, what’s he saying now? How come he keeps mixing English with Arabic/Urdu? Can’t you just stick to one language? I don’t think that’s a sentence.
“So I took car going fast, guy tries to cutting me off in doosra lane, pir, I’m thinking, is he crazy guy? Wo kitay jaray?...bloody idiots…”
Umm, Uncle, your pants are inside out.
The “Conspiracy Theory / Argues-For-No-Reason” Uncle
Nothing is possibly good, not even Obama Barack. It’s all part of the Zionist’s scheme. Yeah I’m impressed by his knowledge, even though he might screw up once in awhile, and deny it. Why didn’t this guy become a University professor? I see, so you think the U.S. went into Iraq because the Evangelical Christians want security in the Middle East for the second coming of Christ? Right, but how’s that connected with your previous theory that Iraqi Oil will be used to create a new virtual Disney land in Michigan?
For the next hour, I listen to theories on how Micky Mouse is actually a living person; a free-mason who secretly controls the world. This uncle never graduated from MIT engineering, he actually just watched CNN 13 hours a day for four years.
This uncle also has a habit of bringing up arguments, for discussion’s sake.
“How do you know there was no Mossad influence in the Iraqi civil war? How do you know there were no weapons of mass destruction?”
“Ugh yeah I hid them in my pants.”
Whoops, did I just say that out loud? I leave through the back door pretending to grab some Chai.
“The Uncle from an Unknown Village:”
How the hell did the embassy let this guy in here? He must have a fake degree or something. And please Uncle, stop scratching yourself, and or/picking your nose. That’s disgusting. I can’t even finish this Golaab Jaamin now. Did you just pass some gas? Nasty…
I don’t think he had his wudu when we did Maghrib in Jamaat.
This Uncle also has a habit of cursing in his native tongue. You’d be surprised to find out how many bad words I learn in Punjabi at these things…
“The Uncle that doesn’t like other Uncles from different backgrounds:”
Uncle 1: “You know those Karachi’s can’t be trusted, that’s why the capital shifted to Islamabad...”
Uncle 2: “Isn’t you wife from Karachi?”
Uncle 1: “Yeah, but we’re raising the kids Punjabi.”
Lines may be crossed even further…
Uncle 1: “We need to get rid of all these Punjabi’s, they’re multiplying like mice. They’re worse than Shia’s and Zionist Jews. Let me tell you, if there’s a snake and a Punjabi in the house, I already know which one to get rid of first...”
Uncle 2: “Ugh, I am Punjabi, Shia, and my wife’s a convert from Judaism.”
Uncle 1: Has the same kind of expression on his face when I wet my pants in kindergarten, and thought I could get away with it.
The “little too quiet” Uncle:
Why was this guy even invited? He must have really good Talawat.
Is he looking at me funny? Maybe he’s wondering where I got the Roc-a-fella shirt from? Wait a minute…Uncles don’t like Hip Hop. Did I forget to shake his hand or something? I think I could take him…
(10 minutes later)
He’s not even listening to the discussions. He’s been totally still for 20 minutes. Is he dead? No wait, I think I saw a nostril flinch.
The “Way-Too-Modern” Uncle:
This Uncle argues that he doesn’t need to pray five times a day, once is good enough; plus it helps with his arthritis. Is he trying to start his own sect? He wants to follow Islam, but finds it difficult with so many “stupid” Muslims these days. Huh? Yeah apparently you can’t follow Islam when the majority is corrupt. Uncle’s daughter is also engaged to some alcoholic punk rocker and his son was on Judge Judy, and was suing a fat lady for taking a bite out of his arm.
Uncle also has a habit of cursing like the “Village Uncle,” except he curses in English! Quiet! The Unties can hear you. Somebody put a bar of soap in this guy’s mouth…
He complains about how the Khutba’s are irrelevant.
“So then why don’t you give a Khutba next week Uncle? I’m sure you could do better…”
Oh crap, did I just say something out loud again?
“Uh sorry Uncle I have to leave, I have an accounting final tomorrow...”
Uncle sure as hell knows my semester finished 3 weeks ago…
“The Extremist Uncle:”
You gotta be a “Hanafi” to roll in this guy’s hood (or some school of thought).
“Baita is that purple in you shirt? Haram.”
“Oh no Uncle that’s Burgendy.”
“Burgend--? Burgers? Burgers are not Zabiha baita.”
“Nevermind.”
“The Enemy Uncle:”
This Uncle has beef with another Uncle for reasons nobody ever explained to me. I figure this one out when I tell Uncle One I’m going to school with Uncle Two’s son. Uncle one sneers instantly. Did I say something to offend him?
Nobody told me Uncle Two’s son was caught “macking” on Uncle One’s daughter at the last ISNA conference.
The “Egotistical / Doctor’s only" Uncle.
My brother-in-law told me about this one. If you aren’t a doctor, get the hell out of this uncle’s way.
“How could you not know what Dermatographism is? Are you a bloody idiot? Did your mama fall out of a riksha while giving birth to you? You bloody idiot!”
Uncle, I know you have a PhD, but please stop calling me a dumbbell.
Note to self: don’t ever ask a question at a Daavit. Questions are for stupid people. If you haven’t noticed this Uncle is sort of a “big-shot.” You damn right he gets all the backstage passes to the Jay-Z shows. Uncle I think it’s great you have a Mercedes, but don’t you think its 1972 engine and shot gun muffler are a bit outdated? Watch out for these and other types of Uncles, who do most of the talking at these Daavit things, they can lead to suicidal boredom. Also, if you ever get an “military-commander” type Uncle who wants you to also fight in the Kargil war like he did, take him up on his offer. Get shot and sent to heaven may be better for everbody. Just playin'. Salaams.
_______________________________________
Like Jerry Springer’s final thought, we can all learn something from this, regardless if we’re uncles or not. Identifying a problem should always be followed by producing solutions, not by producing more problems/ineffective opinions. The point is that we will always have differences, but that doesn’t mean we can’t work towards the same goal.
Hey, and if you think the ladies side doesn’t involve meaningless conversations, think again. I heard the Unties are just as bad. But instead of politics and religion, main topics are children’s accomplishments and who Sara and her friends were seen with last Friday
Moral of the story, even though our elders do stuff that appears funny to us, respect them, like Ali G would. Because we’ll all get to that age one day, and who knows how the kids will make fun of us. “Baba jee, you used to go on Maniac Muslim? Ahahahahahaha!” Of course they wouldn’t, I’m sure ManiacMuslim.com will still be cool by 2047, Inshalla. Salaams.
This post has been edited by coconut_fob: Apr 9 2007, 11:20 PM
By (The Coconut Fob)
Calgary, AB
February 15, 2007
Introduction:
I’m probably one of the only guys I know my age who actually enjoys going to a thing called “Daavits” (gathering amongst elderly men and women known as Unties and Uncles). Come on, the food is mouth watering and not to mention free. But, somewhere you have to make a sacrifice, which in this case is, sitting in a room with a bunch of Men in their 40’s-60’s, called Uncles. They may be equivalent to an intimidating street gang of 5-10, and their sons don’t bother coming. I guess tonight was counter-strike night. Even if you’re not East-Indian, you know what I’m talking about. It’s scary, because sitting with a bunch of Uncles means listening to theories on 9-11, infinite complaints that are answered with more complaints, and proofs to why President Bush is actually a robot designed in 19th century East Africa. But it isn’t all that bad, you can learn a lot from them, like you can from Grandpa. And be prepared to laugh at some corny jokes, you’ll eventually get them.
For the newbies, I’ve decided to outline the various types of Uncles, so that you won’t be intimidated. Cause let me tell you, if an Uncle asks you “so what are you studying Baita (son)? Your answer better involve two PhD’s or a law degree; and you’d better be completing all that in 3 years or less…
_______________________________________
The "Curious George" Uncle:
Be prepared to indulge in the interview of your life. Uncle wants to know everything. A wrong answer from you will result in a slow and painful execution involving you in a shipped suitcase to Antarctica, and ending with penguins nibbling at your remains. He’ll be soft spoken initially, but once you begin answering, it’ll feel similar to an interrogation for affiliating with the KGB, or in our case, Al-Qaeda in Guantanamo. Example:
“So how are you Baita? How is you’re parhay (studies) going?”
“Oh great, actually I just finished an internship with this accounting--”
(Cuts you off)
“Shabash, good, good, and your current GPA is?”
“Ugh…huh? Oh, well, it’s ugh approximately two point—“
At this point, run for it, because you’ve just committed suicide. Any GPA below a 5.9 is unacceptable. Perhaps you thought the maximum GPA you can have is 4.0? Not according to Uncle Jee. See if you can have the grading system at school changed, so that it’s compatible with Uncle’s standards. After doing so, send your transcript to the Uncle as proof from an undisclosed location via fax or satellite phone, your life depends on it. .
Also, try not discussing anything other than your career and school, because that’s all you’re worth. Other talk may result in more torturous execution methods, such as being strapped to a hospital bed to watch an entire season of “Friends.” Joey, Chandler, and Ross wish you all the best.
The “Wishes He Was Younger” Uncle:
This uncle seems to be suffering from a midlife crisis. He just doesn’t want to accept the fact that he’s getting balder. He tries to do that “Will Smith-Jazzy Jeff” thing he saw on Fresh Prince when you go to shake his hand.
What? Did he just ask if I got the new 2pac CD?
“Baita, where can I get tickets to a Biggie concert (*cough, cough*)? For my son?”
“Ugh, Uncle, Biggie’s been dead since 1997.”
The expression on his face looks like he lost a relative.
“Inna lillahi wa inna…”
Typically Uncles come dressed in throbe’s, dress pants, or shalwar. Not this uncle.
“Uncle, is that your son Faheem’s shirt you’re wearing?”
Does he even know what the number 69 means…?
“You know I was number 69 back in engineering college…best bowler, three years in a row (cricket)…”
I’m thinking, wow, they have bowling in Pakistan? Should I ask Uncle if he wants to go knock some pins down this weekend?
The “Corny / Assimilating-Into-Western-Society” Uncle:
It takes me a minute or so to comprehend his humor. It isn’t easy to translate a joke from Punjabi/Arabic to English, but Uncle makes the attempt.
“Did you hear about the Mouse at the Lion’s wedding?”
“Ugh No.
“Acha (okay), once a mouse, I mean Lion yaar, ka shadi, wedding, and……AHAHHAAHAA”
Uncle never does finish, he just gives in with a high-pitched laugh before the punch line.
Oh no, what’s he saying now? How come he keeps mixing English with Arabic/Urdu? Can’t you just stick to one language? I don’t think that’s a sentence.
“So I took car going fast, guy tries to cutting me off in doosra lane, pir, I’m thinking, is he crazy guy? Wo kitay jaray?...bloody idiots…”
Umm, Uncle, your pants are inside out.
The “Conspiracy Theory / Argues-For-No-Reason” Uncle
Nothing is possibly good, not even Obama Barack. It’s all part of the Zionist’s scheme. Yeah I’m impressed by his knowledge, even though he might screw up once in awhile, and deny it. Why didn’t this guy become a University professor? I see, so you think the U.S. went into Iraq because the Evangelical Christians want security in the Middle East for the second coming of Christ? Right, but how’s that connected with your previous theory that Iraqi Oil will be used to create a new virtual Disney land in Michigan?
For the next hour, I listen to theories on how Micky Mouse is actually a living person; a free-mason who secretly controls the world. This uncle never graduated from MIT engineering, he actually just watched CNN 13 hours a day for four years.
This uncle also has a habit of bringing up arguments, for discussion’s sake.
“How do you know there was no Mossad influence in the Iraqi civil war? How do you know there were no weapons of mass destruction?”
“Ugh yeah I hid them in my pants.”
Whoops, did I just say that out loud? I leave through the back door pretending to grab some Chai.
“The Uncle from an Unknown Village:”
How the hell did the embassy let this guy in here? He must have a fake degree or something. And please Uncle, stop scratching yourself, and or/picking your nose. That’s disgusting. I can’t even finish this Golaab Jaamin now. Did you just pass some gas? Nasty…
I don’t think he had his wudu when we did Maghrib in Jamaat.
This Uncle also has a habit of cursing in his native tongue. You’d be surprised to find out how many bad words I learn in Punjabi at these things…
“The Uncle that doesn’t like other Uncles from different backgrounds:”
Uncle 1: “You know those Karachi’s can’t be trusted, that’s why the capital shifted to Islamabad...”
Uncle 2: “Isn’t you wife from Karachi?”
Uncle 1: “Yeah, but we’re raising the kids Punjabi.”
Lines may be crossed even further…
Uncle 1: “We need to get rid of all these Punjabi’s, they’re multiplying like mice. They’re worse than Shia’s and Zionist Jews. Let me tell you, if there’s a snake and a Punjabi in the house, I already know which one to get rid of first...”
Uncle 2: “Ugh, I am Punjabi, Shia, and my wife’s a convert from Judaism.”
Uncle 1: Has the same kind of expression on his face when I wet my pants in kindergarten, and thought I could get away with it.
The “little too quiet” Uncle:
Why was this guy even invited? He must have really good Talawat.
Is he looking at me funny? Maybe he’s wondering where I got the Roc-a-fella shirt from? Wait a minute…Uncles don’t like Hip Hop. Did I forget to shake his hand or something? I think I could take him…
(10 minutes later)
He’s not even listening to the discussions. He’s been totally still for 20 minutes. Is he dead? No wait, I think I saw a nostril flinch.
The “Way-Too-Modern” Uncle:
This Uncle argues that he doesn’t need to pray five times a day, once is good enough; plus it helps with his arthritis. Is he trying to start his own sect? He wants to follow Islam, but finds it difficult with so many “stupid” Muslims these days. Huh? Yeah apparently you can’t follow Islam when the majority is corrupt. Uncle’s daughter is also engaged to some alcoholic punk rocker and his son was on Judge Judy, and was suing a fat lady for taking a bite out of his arm.
Uncle also has a habit of cursing like the “Village Uncle,” except he curses in English! Quiet! The Unties can hear you. Somebody put a bar of soap in this guy’s mouth…
He complains about how the Khutba’s are irrelevant.
“So then why don’t you give a Khutba next week Uncle? I’m sure you could do better…”
Oh crap, did I just say something out loud again?
“Uh sorry Uncle I have to leave, I have an accounting final tomorrow...”
Uncle sure as hell knows my semester finished 3 weeks ago…
“The Extremist Uncle:”
You gotta be a “Hanafi” to roll in this guy’s hood (or some school of thought).
“Baita is that purple in you shirt? Haram.”
“Oh no Uncle that’s Burgendy.”
“Burgend--? Burgers? Burgers are not Zabiha baita.”
“Nevermind.”
“The Enemy Uncle:”
This Uncle has beef with another Uncle for reasons nobody ever explained to me. I figure this one out when I tell Uncle One I’m going to school with Uncle Two’s son. Uncle one sneers instantly. Did I say something to offend him?
Nobody told me Uncle Two’s son was caught “macking” on Uncle One’s daughter at the last ISNA conference.
The “Egotistical / Doctor’s only" Uncle.
My brother-in-law told me about this one. If you aren’t a doctor, get the hell out of this uncle’s way.
“How could you not know what Dermatographism is? Are you a bloody idiot? Did your mama fall out of a riksha while giving birth to you? You bloody idiot!”
Uncle, I know you have a PhD, but please stop calling me a dumbbell.
Note to self: don’t ever ask a question at a Daavit. Questions are for stupid people. If you haven’t noticed this Uncle is sort of a “big-shot.” You damn right he gets all the backstage passes to the Jay-Z shows. Uncle I think it’s great you have a Mercedes, but don’t you think its 1972 engine and shot gun muffler are a bit outdated? Watch out for these and other types of Uncles, who do most of the talking at these Daavit things, they can lead to suicidal boredom. Also, if you ever get an “military-commander” type Uncle who wants you to also fight in the Kargil war like he did, take him up on his offer. Get shot and sent to heaven may be better for everbody. Just playin'. Salaams.
_______________________________________
Like Jerry Springer’s final thought, we can all learn something from this, regardless if we’re uncles or not. Identifying a problem should always be followed by producing solutions, not by producing more problems/ineffective opinions. The point is that we will always have differences, but that doesn’t mean we can’t work towards the same goal.
Hey, and if you think the ladies side doesn’t involve meaningless conversations, think again. I heard the Unties are just as bad. But instead of politics and religion, main topics are children’s accomplishments and who Sara and her friends were seen with last Friday
Moral of the story, even though our elders do stuff that appears funny to us, respect them, like Ali G would. Because we’ll all get to that age one day, and who knows how the kids will make fun of us. “Baba jee, you used to go on Maniac Muslim? Ahahahahahaha!” Of course they wouldn’t, I’m sure ManiacMuslim.com will still be cool by 2047, Inshalla. Salaams.
This post has been edited by coconut_fob: Apr 9 2007, 11:20 PM
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